The hold
by random-becca
Summary: Seven years have come and gone, and yet no one ever explained to Nessie about imprinting. She's head over heals in love with Jake, but she doesn't know how he feels about her. That boy has a hold on her, and it could lead to diaster or th best love ever.
1. Chapter 1

Jake. That was all I could think about as I cleaned up my room. Well more he was the only person I could think of. My best friend, the only person I really needed at that moment. Any moment. I made my bed quickly, stashing some clothes and other belongings underneath it. Dad might hear my thoughts later, but I didn't care. I was much too distracted to think about cleaning my room. Dad and mom had probably given me this task to keep my mind off of Jake, but cleaning my room didn't keep my mind busy. It was elsewhere, dreaming up brilliant and spectacular fantasies. Fantasies, I sighed thinking about it. Jake…would never love me the way that I loved him. He would never know how much I wanted him. How intense my thoughts become when they concerned him. I had no right to feel the way I did. But somehow that didn't matter.

Jake had known me for forever. He'd been my best friend for as long as I would let him, and we'd been friends as long as I had lived pretty much. He had seen me at my worst, tried to handle me at my best, and had been there for every moment in between. He was there when I cried over the stupid things, he would watch me model things I bought at the mall, and he gave up everything multiple times to protect my family and me. My eye twitched as I thought about all the danger this family had ever put Jake through. It just was not fair to him at all. What did he get in return? Friendship and a place to crash every once and a while. That was not fair at all.

Outside, I heard a car pull up, and a door slam. I was already dashing out of my room, down the stairs, and out into the driveway before Jake could've even gotten to the door. I practically jumped on him, wrapping my arms and legs around him tightly. He had been away for way too long. Stupid college. And stupid mom for highly encouraging Jake to go to college. He was smart enough already. He didn't need to go learn more. He especially did not need to go away from me. Well, I guess it really wasn't that far. He only was gone for two, maybe three weeks at the most when he left. It was just unbearable waiting for him to come back, though. Everything was so much more boring! Jake lit everything up.

He wrapped his arms around me tightly, squeezing be back. He set me down carefully and observed me. "I'm still not used to the fact that soon you're not going to be growing every five minutes," he laughed.

"Nice to see you too," I rolled my eyes at him.

My arms desperately wanted to reach out, to touch him again. I want to hug him again…I wanted to kiss him, really. But that was out of line. And I knew he didn't like me that way. He saw me like a little sister. Someone who needed to be protected, someone who needed everyone to constantly watch her. I saw him like my older brother at once, but that phase had passed by very fast. It only lasted about six months. And then the best friend ever thing set in…and now. Well, yea. It was complicated.

"I missed you, Nessie," he smiled.

"I missed you too, Jake," I replied, grinning so wide that it hurt the sides of my mouth. Those four words that he had said…they stopped my world in a matter of seconds. I felt like I was going to burst. There was too much inside of me. I instantly thanked god that Uncle Jasper wasn't there. He would be frantic with all the emotions going through me.

I grabbed the top of his arm and tugged him forward, toward the house. "Mom and Dad made me clean my room this morning. I swear, anything to get me away so they can make out for a while. I mean, I could just move in with Grandma and Grandpa!" I mock-complained as I lead him along. I was really just trying to think of something to say so that my heart wouldn't beat so fast.

Too bad hearing his voice made that frantic beating worse. "You really want to live with Carlisle and Esme? And deal with Blondie even more than you have to? Honestly, Nessie, I don't understand you."

I had to remind myself how to breathe. "I'm a very complicated person," I managed to force to come out my mouth without sounding like a complete idiot.

I let go of his arm, trying to keep my head as best that I could. He grabbed my hand. God damn it! Why did he have to make this so hard? We walked over to the couch and sat down. Jake was my best friend. He was probably expecting to hear a blow by blow of the past few weeks. He probably wanted to give me loads of useless advice, make fun of my Aunt Rosalie, and laugh at what Aunt Alice had done. He probably want to tell my dad he was being overprotective. He probably wanted to tell Mom a thousand things about college. He probably wanted to tell me about all the exciting things going on at college. And I would pretend to be enthusiastic, pretend that I was super glad he was at college. I panicked as he started bringing my hand to his face. Oh, he was going to see everything that had happened. But I didn't want him to see. If I didn't have a minute now to get a hold of my thoughts, than he would see how I felt during the few minutes that had just passed. I pulled my hand out of his grasp with a hard tug. His face scrunched up. "Talk about an invasion of privacy," I muttered, rolling my eyes.

"If you wouldn't have been paying attention, or meaning to show me anything, then you wouldn't. You know that, Ness."

"Well I do have some things I want to show you! Seth came down a few days ago, and well, oh god it was freaking hilarious! And well, you know this family, how we get. Uncle Emmett…well hang on, I'll show you."

When I was sure I had control over what I was going to show him, I pressed my hand to his face.

About five minutes later, he was double over in laughter . "Seth! Emb-and Emmett! HAHAHA, Blondie and shrimp," he just sat there, trying to retell it in his own words.

I giggled along with his loud laughter. "It was pretty hilarious. Don't you love how Embry-"

"Totally crashed the car! Yes!" Jake finished my sentence.

I nodded and grinned widely again. "And we're never letting Seth live that one down," I shook my head as I thought about it.

"Not in a million years," he agreed.

We stayed on the couch, talking for a while. He told me how college was sort of fun, but could get really boring really fast. My stomach plunged about twenty feet into the depths as he talked about it all. But 

there was one piece of brightness throughout it all, he hadn't mentioned any girls that he liked. It wasn't like I was about to bring it up either. I didn't want to hear about that particular subject. After we finished going over everything, we started joking around like we did. It was sort of a game we had made up a really long time ago. Sort of a first thing that comes to mind game. We came up with some very strange things sometimes.

"Cars," He said with a quick smile.

"Mechanic," I groaned.

"Broken," he laughed.

"Hearted," I said without thinking.

"Sad," Jake gagged.

I fake glared, "Titanic."

"Ew."

"How can you say ew?!" I asked, my mouth hanging open.

"We've been over this before, Nessie. That movie sucks."

I turned my head away from him, pretending to be angry. "I'm not talking to you. Starting now."

Two minute passed. "It's good to have you home, Jacob," I turned back to him and smiled, talking again.

He grinned at me and replied, "It's really good to be home."

And my heart started beating very, very fast once again.

We decided to go out to La Push for a while. I wanted to go to the beach really badly, and Jake was pretty much up to seeing his friends in La Push any chance he got. I got dressed in my swim suit, and a sun dress and ran back down stairs, without falling. Mom always wished that I had been at least a little clumsy during my youth years. My family always told stories about how clumsy mom had been while she was a human. They made me laugh. I had never once been as clumsy as my mother. I pitied the people who were. They must have had a lot of bruises.

Jake was sitting in his car, in the drivers seat. I rolled my eyes. God forbid he let me drive for once. I opened the passenger seat door and lid in. "I get to drive home!" I declared.

"No," he said simply, flashing me a quick, half smile as he started the car.

I rolled my eyes, and sat back in the seat, crossing my arms over my chest. "And you're going to buckle your seat belt," Jake said firmly. "No complaining. Last time I didn't make you, your dad just about kicked me out of the house."

I mumbled and reached out for it, pulling it across my body and buckling it in. "Happy?" I asked.

"Very," He muttered back.

Silence. It gave me time to think, which I needed. It was overwhelming being with Jacob for so long. I lost my sense of common sense. I couldn't think clearly. He clouded my mind somehow, like a deep fog. One that smelled so delicious, one that pulled me in…one that I would not be able to shake. And this fog was gorgeous, like a sunset on a late spring night. This fog would never be gotten rid of. The warnings were there though. I was getting myself into this too much, setting myself up to be hurt very quickly. Yet, somehow, I didn't give a damn.

The scenery in the window passed by quickly and soon we were in La Push. Jake parked and we walked the short distance to the beach. Embry and Quil were there. Quil had a nine year old Claire with him. She saw me and came running. I opened my arms and picked the smaller girl up easily. She was so light. I hugged her as I walked back down toward Quil. I felt Jake walking behind me. "Hi, Nessie! I haven't seen you in forever! Guess what, Nessie! School gets out soon! I'm going to spend every day down here on the beach. Quil promised to take me anytime I wanted," The girl smiled widely as I put her down.

"That's pretty amazing, kiddo," I said, and then looked at Quil. "Anytime she wants?" I raised one eyebrow.

He shrugged and glanced toward Jake. They chuckled together. I walked over to Embry. He gave me a quick hug, and then I pulled off my sundress. "I bet you that I could beat you out into the water and back," I challenged him, throwing the dress aside.

Embry rolled his eyes. "You're on, squirt."

He was ridiculously tall, just like Jake and the rest of the werewolves. Damn them and their damn height. I felt very short next to them all. We had Claire yell go and then Embry and I dashed into the water, swimming out as far as possible, and then turning back and swimming back. He beat me by mere seconds. I came out of the water and pouted. "That was so unfair. Your legs are longer so you go farther! For every one little stretch of swimming for you, it's three for me!"

"Don't be a sore loser, Ness," Embry laughed, ruffling my hair.

I glared him, and then turned to Jake to whine. "Jakkkkeeee! Embry's being a meany!" I said, as if I was younger again.

Jake laughed and then yelled mockingly. "Embry, I'm gonna kick your ass! Look what you did to poor Nessie! Now she's cold and wet!"

"HEY!" Quil said, "No saying A-S-S in front of Claire!"

"I know what ass is, Quil," Clarie told him, glaring up at him.

"Ooo, I'm sooo scared," Embry rolled his eyes.

Jake ran at him, and Embry bolted. I giggled as I watched them run around like madmen for a while.

Claire and I made a sandcastle, and then Quil fell on it when Embry pushed him. Then Claire pulled out the pouty dog face and Quil let us bury him in the sand. We tried to make Embry let us bury him too, but he just stood up like the tall asshole werewolf he was and said no. Jake let us bury him, though. Claire got bored with it and went to go rebuild our castle, leaving me to bury Jake alone.

I blushed lightly as I buried him. This was kind of awkward. I'd never buried Jake in the sand before, even when I was younger. That was kind of funny. "Embry, do you have a camera?" I asked when I had finished.

"Claire gave me one of the disposable ones this morning. She told me that if I didn't use it up she'd have Quil hurt me," Embry shivered and threw the little camera over to me.

I laughed and took a picture of Jake in the sand, and then one of Quil. I tossed the camera back to Embry and then dropped back down on my knees next to Jake. My heart sped up as I scooted closer. "I'll unbury you if you absolutely promise that I can drive home," I offered.

He glared. "Not a chance."

"Okie dokie," I laughed at him, not with him, "You can get yourself out of there. In the meantime, I'm going to be at the car. We're expecting you for dinner at my house."

I stood up and grabbed my dress, sliding it over my head as I walked the short distance back to the car. It wasn't locked. I slid into the passenger seat and waited, drumming my fingers against the door. It was easier to think when my beautiful fog wasn't there. I could get a hold of myself so that when he came back, I was almost ready to not crack at his gorgeous smile. He glared at me as he opened the door and got in. "Sand gets everywhere."

I laughed like a lunatic, clutching my stomach. "Oh, wow," I said, gasping for breath as I fought to gain control of my laughter.

He rolled his eyes and started the car, driving us home quickly. My dad's car wasn't in the driveway. That meant they were at grandma and grandpa's. "Let's get changed, and then we'll go over there. We can just run, I don't want to take the car," Jake suggested.

I nodded, and headed upstairs. I slipped off the dress and tossed it into the hamper. I walked into my closet and picked out something for dinner. Simple, but Alice would approve. I got dressed into my clothes and held my shoes in my hand, knowing it would be easier to run without them on. When I got 

downstairs, Jake was already there waiting. "Why do girls always take so freaking long to get ready?" Jake asked me.

I shrugged. "I didn't even do my hair," I told him.

He groaned and grabbed my arm lightly, pulling me along. We ran lazily over to my grandparent's house, and walked right in. "Helloooo!" I called.

Aunt Alice popped out of seriously nowhere. "Hi, Nessie! Yay, you're wearing the dress you bought the other day. It looks just as lovely on it now as it did in the store. Ohh, hello, Jacob. You'll have to tell us all about your past few weeks at dinner, come on."

I giggled and followed my aunt into the dining room. Two plates of food were set out, and all the other places were empty. Jake and I sat down at the places with food. My family began to question Jake, and I sat there quietly and ate. My Aunt Rosalie was on my other side. I love Rose, even if she wasn't that fond of Jake. She still cared for me and I found myself being very close to her. She was easy to talk to about things that I couldn't talk about with Jake or my parents. Rosalie was there to pick up everyone else's slack with me. I could always count on her. Currently, she was looking at the food I was eating with disgust. I giggled a little again.

Dinner went by quickly, and I said goodnight to my aunt and uncles, and my grandparents. Esme yet again sent left overs with me and Jake, even though she would probably make an even bigger breakfast for us the next morning. I thanked her, though, and then me and Jake ran back to my house. My parents were there already. They had ran as well. Jake and I didn't run as fast as they did, but we still made pretty good time. Jake had escaped to the guest room, and I was trying to escape to my room, but my mom caught me. "Renesme, come tell me about your day, hun."

I backed up and walked into the living room, sitting down on to the couch. "Umm, Jake got back, we caught up, then we went to the beach and hung with Quil, Claire, and Embry for a while. Me and Claire buried Quil and Jake in the sand. Embry's going to get the pictures developed and give them to me."

She smiled at me. "Sounds like fun. So how is Jake doing?"

I shrugged. "Good, I guess. He says college is kind of boring sometimes."

My mother heard the hope that was in my voice. She laughed and rolled her eyes a little. "I know you don't like him being away, Renesme, but this is good for Jake."

"You don't understand how terrible it feels to have him go away," I muttered quietly, not wanting Jake to even think about overhearing that.

My mother's eyes went a little blank, as if she was remembering something. "Mom, what's wrong?" I asked, feeling a little guilty for saying anything about the college situation.

"Nothing, sweetie. Nothing at all. You and Jake should go hang out. Remind Jake to at least pretend he slept in the guest bed, alright?" mom reminded me.

I blushed a little. Jake never slept in the guest bed. He slept in my bed. Ever since I was little he would spend the night with me. He was warm, and he kept my blankets and my room warm, plus it was nice to have him be there. It gave me an excuse to be near him. It made me feel so good to be so close to him…so hear him breathe so evenly while he slept…It calmed me. My dad hated it, though. He always got pretty peeved off about it when ever it came up in a conversation. Oh well.

I ran upstairs and changed quickly, pulling my hair back into a messy bun. Jake knocked on the door minutes later. "Come in," I said, plopping down on to my bed.

He opened the door and walked in, shutting it quietly. He walked over to my bed and sat down next to me. "It really is good to be home."

"I'm glad you still think that," I muttered sourly.

"Listen, Ness, I know you're not happy about this whole college thing. Trust me, it's not that easy for me either. I'd much rather be here. But your mom is right, this is a good opportunity for me, and I have to take it. I wish I could be home more. I miss it, and I miss you," he explained quietly.

My heart raced. He missed me. He wanted to home more. It was hard for him too. His words flooded my mind. I hugged him and said, "It's okay. It's all okay. You're here now. That's all that matters."

He laughed and hugged me back. "Right. That's all that matters."

We stayed like that for a while, and then we laid down under the blankets around two am when we finally decided to get some sleep. He draped his arm across my side carefully. "Night," he muttered, his warm breath tickled the back of my neck.

"Night," I replied, closing my eyes and just trying to get a hold my mind again.


	2. Chapter two cookie dough& usual kids

It was raining. Oh big surprise there, right? Jake was still asleep when I woke up, and I had been quiet when I got dressed. My parents just glanced at me as I walked down the stairs and out of my house. They'd gotten used to me coming and going whenever I pleased eventually, even if they didn't like it much. Sometimes I just needed my time to think, without my dad listening in, without my mother wanting to know everything that happened, without Jasper feeling my emotions and 'helping out', without Alice attempting to see my future, and without Rosalie babying me. Carlisle, Esme, and Emmett were the easiest ones to hang out with in my family, besides Alice and Rose. But seriously, Emmett didn't want to talk about anything that was going on. He just wanted to have a good time and be happy. That always made me happier too, to just pretend that there was nothing more to the world then the game or practical joke that was going on. And Carlisle and Esme were the perfect grandparents. Esme, so loving, but she always knew when I just needed my space. She never questioned it. Carlisle was good at that too, probably so many years of practice with everyone else in the household. I appreciated what my grandparents gave me the most. Independence from the rest of the world, and from them. Independence was something that I didn't often get my taste of, and something that I yearned for.

But it was also something very frightening. I didn't want complete independence, really. I just wanted some. I wanted to be able to have it when I wanted it, when I needed it. I wanted to have control over it. I knew my parents understood that, but they weren't too eager to give it to me. Just because I was only technically six and half or so years old, and that's exactly what they saw me as, they refused to see me as a teenager. A teenager who was desperate to just break out…and get what she wanted. As I thought about everything I wanted, my mind flew back to Jake. I was running now, to a clearing my parents had spoken of. I knew the way, even though I had never been there before. It was easy to find. I laid down in the grass and looked up at the raining sky for a few minutes. I closed my eyes and let the rain drops fall down on to my face. They felt nice, calming. They almost calmed me as much as Jake did. Jake. Such an amazing person, and he was everything I really wanted. More than independence, more then my parents to stop being overbearing, more than I loved these rain drops on my face. I wanted and needed Jake. His presence, his love, and him. That's all I would ever really need. And it was what I couldn't have. Jake didn't love me like I loved him, he didn't want to kiss me or hold me like that. He didn't yearn for me desperately when he was away. He didn't think about me every second of the day, and every other thought of his didn't revolve around me. It was simple. I had fallen for someone who would never catch me like I needed him to. How sad it was.

I tried to imagine me moving on, finding someone else who I could love as much as I loved Jacob. I tried to think of a different life then the one I lived. I tried to think of adding another member to my already huge family, and making them all suffer while getting used to the new member. I tried my hardest to think of what would in the long run be best for Jake, me, and the rest of the family. But I just couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to even imagine falling out of love with Jacob. I knew that it was not really a possibility. I'd be in love with Jacob no matter what happened. Even if he fell in love with someone else who could fill him up with joy like he filled me with. I would be happy for him, even if I hated her. I was reminded of something I had heard once, that you had to let something go if you really loved it. And instantly I knew that if it was what was really best for Jake that I would be able to let him go. Okay, so maybe the freaking out over him being at college wasn't exactly the best example of that, but that was 

minor, something that really wasn't going to change his life forever. Jake could go to college anytime. But falling in love, that was something special. If and when it happened to him, I'd let him go. I might never get over him, but I would never interfere if I knew that's what he really wanted and needed. If he needed her like she was his air to breathe, if he needed to be with her every second just to think straight and feel alive, then that's what I would let him do. Because I knew how it felt, and how to be denied to be with them constantly felt as well. I would not let Jacob feel that.

Suddenly the thudding of feet on the ground interrupted my thoughts. My eyes opened for a quick second, but I closed them again as I recognized Jake's walking. Maybe he wouldn't talk, and we could just stay here together in silence for a while. I just wanted to be with him, even if we were just friends. I wanted to be close to him, to have him hold me, and to know that he would at least love me in some way. I felt it as he laid down next to me. His arm brushed my side, and I felt my heart race at the small contact. I bravely scooted closer to his warmth. The rain was cold, after all. There was an excuse to be closer to him, and I wasn't just going to let it slip away. I slid over on to my side and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. I had to remind myself to breathe. Oh and when I did, his scent intoxicated me more than anything else ever had. So nice, so perfect. I inhaled deeply, letting his scent fill me nose and my throat. I didn't know how my family could think that Jacob smelled bad. He smelled amazing to me.

He didn't talk for a long while. I wondered what he thinking about, whether his mind was on me or elsewhere. It was probably elsewhere. I wasn't that interesting after all. I was just his best friend, the one he could tell anything to. The one that would kick anyone's ass if they hurt him. And he had to protect me. Or at least, he thought he had to protect me. He thought he had to be my big brother, to keep me away from the dangerous things and show me the right path. If he only knew what I thought about that. If he only knew what I needed from him.

I needed so much more than he thought.

Jake's POV-

She honestly was so tempting. Yesterday had been amazing, a nice day to catch up with her. To see her again, and to rip my heart out. She was a heartbreaker, easily, and I knew my heart was going to get ripped to shreds in the next few months. By now, Nessie should have been falling for me if she was going to. She should have been showing some signs of wanting me, needing me like I needed her. But she wasn't. She was still acting like we were just best friends who needed each other. Just like Bella and I had so long before, after the Cullen's had left. But this time it was different, because eventually, Nessie was supposed to fall for me. There was no stupid bloodsucker to get in the way this time. There was other soul mate for her. She could choose someone else, but after a lifetime of being with me, why would she change her mind? There was no reason to. Still, that worried me just a little. I hated thinking about it.

It was cold outside, and I didn't know why she had chosen to come out here. I had woken up and she was just gone, so I went downstairs. Edward shrugged and said something about a meadow. I remembered Bella trying to find a meadow forever ago, and so I looked for it. It was so much easier 

now, that I could sort of sense where Nessie was. Even when I didn't know exactly where she was, I was drawn to her. And then we ended up like this, laying down next to each other, her wrapped in my arms, in the pouring rain. I breathed her scent in. It was like a natural perfume, better than anything else in the world. She didn't smell like the other bloodsuckers did. She smelled so great.

Honestly, I hated being away from her. Her parents had convinced me to go to college for a while, and the only thing that had convinced me was the whole 'the heart grows fonder with distance' bull shit thing that Alice kept feeding me. Stupid midget was on Nessie's parents' side. It was a good opportunity, but I hated every second of it. And it wasn't even helping Nessie love me. It just made her bored. Ugh. How was that helping anyone's situation? All Bella and Edward got was a bored daughter. Yea, that sounded like fun, right?

And now, they were going to move away from this place. They couldn't possibly stay in Washington any longer, and we all knew it. They were moving to Alaska, this small town named Skagway. I could tell that Bella and Edward wanted me to wait before I moved with them, just a few months so Nessie could get settled by herself…or more like with her family. But I wasn't going to let that happen, unless Nessie didn't want me to come, then I was coming with them. I'd drop everything anytime to be with her, to do what she needed me to do. "Nessie," I said after a while.

"Mhmm," she muttered.

"Did they tell you yet?"

Her head tilted back to look at me. There was a confused look on her face. "Tell me what?" she asked.

"Tell you that you're moving."

Her jaw dropped. Oh shit. Her parents were going to kill me for telling her before they got the chance. I could tell Nessie was searching for words to say."They did not tell me that! Where the hell are we going to go? What about Seth, and Leah! And the other pack! And what about Claire? I can't just leave Claire! And you, what about you? You're coming, right? They can't just leave you here! We need you! I need-," but I cut her off there. I put one of my hands over her mouth and smiled at her.

"Calm down, Ness. Seth wants to come with, but I don't about Leah. And I don't' if your parents are going to let Seth come anyway. The other pack will stay on the reservation, just like they always have. You'll stay in touch with Claire. It's called a phone. And I'm coming as long as you want me to," I explained to her.

She licked my hand and I instinctively pulled it away. She smiled triumphantly ad then frowned again. "We're moving…I've never lived anywhere else…what's it gonna be like?" she asked curiously.

I smiled wider. Good, she wasn't in super upset mode anymore. Nessie was almost as bad as her mom when it came to rambling. Get her started on something, and God, you don't want to be the one who has to calm her down. Actually, I wanted to be the one to calm her down, not that it was easier for me 

or anything. Most the time she'd end up getting more upset with me because I was "taking their side" on thing. Gah.

"I don't know what it's going to be like, really. All I know is that we're moving to Alaska."

"Oh," she replied and buried her face against me again.

I rubbed my hand against her back and asked, "Aren't you cold?"

I could feel her chuckle a little bit and I held her tighter. The rain was starting to top now, but it was getting colder and colder. My stomach suddenly growled. She rolled away from me, laughing like hell. "Oh my god, Jake," she managed to say through her giggles.

"Time for lunch," I said rolling my eyes and sitting up.

She calmed herself and sat up too. "You're always hungry. Do you think you could go five hours without eating?" Nessie asked teasingly.

"Probably not," I shrugged.

She giggled again and we stood up. The run back to her grandparents' house was short. Esme was redecorating the living room when we arrived. She always redecorating lately. Honestly, I didn't understand why, we were moving soon and there would be no use for the house. She turned and smiled at us as we walked in. "Hello Jake, Renesme. There's cookie dough in the kitchen, I figured you two might like to try and attempt to bake them. Just ask if you need some help," she smiled, and then turned back to her decorating.

Nessie raised an eyebrow at her grandmother and then shrugged, turning toward the kitchen and prancing off. She had picked up her own version of the way pixie walked. She walked so gracefully, like a ballerina, but at the same time, she sort of floated. It was nice to watch. Even her walk was intoxicating. I followed her into the kitchen like a puppy, no pun intended, and laughed as I saw her face looking at the cookie dough. Esme had made the cookie dough from scratch. No baking directions whatsoever had been left out for us. Nessie brushed a piece of her hair behind her ear and scrunched her face up. "This could be more difficult that I expected," she muttered, probably to herself.

I went over to the cupboard and pulled out two cookie sheets, and then I put them down on the counter. "Just spoon them out a little bit apart on the pan," I suggested. That sounded right.

She turned and glared at me. "I can bake cookies, you big doof."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, Nessie, you've permanently damaged my ego! How will I ever go on?" I said dramatically, putting a hand over where I thought my heart would be.

Nessie rolled her eyes as she started spooning the dough out. "You know, your heart I actually a little bit lower than where you think it is."

"You're too smart. Stop being smart, it makes me feel stupid. I'm the one who's supposed to be at college," I told her.

She giggled. "Guess it hasn't helped you out much, eh?"

I shrugged. "You know, when we move, I won't be going to college anymore. We'll probably all be in high school again. That's at least what your parents were mostly thinking about."

Nessie smiled at that. "Woo! I get my best friend back."

She stopped spooning the cookie dough to do a little victory dance, but she forgot that there was still dough on the spoon, and it flung off of the spoon and landed on my forehead. She stopped dancing, and her mouth fell open. I thought she was going to scream for a minute, and then she was clutching her stomach, laughing madly. Ah, Nessie's laugh. Such a beautiful sound. It lifted my heart up, even in the worst times. I wiped the cookie dough off of my forehead and flung it back at her. It ended up in her hair. Haha, second person in her family that I'd gotten food in their hair. She stopped laughing and glared at me. "Oh, this means war, Jacob Black."

I grinned widely, "Bring it on, short stuff."

She growled and reached her hand into the bowl of cookie dough, taking a handful and approaching me carefully. The sunlight coming through the window was hitting her just right, and she looked absolutely amazing. Her hair was still damp from the rain, and it was behind her shoulders, cascading down her back. Her eyes were shimmering, more beautiful than I remembered Bella's ever being. Her skin glowed underneath the pale sunlight that this place was actually letting shine through the clouds. Gorgeous wasn't even a good enough word to describe how she looked. For a moment, my breath was taken away. And then cookie dough was seriously all over me.

She had turned quickly and picked up the entire bowl, throwing it's contents at me. "Oh, you did not just do that," I told her, almost growling.

She smiled. "I so totally did."

I sprang, grabbing her into a cookie dough filled. She screeched, she was getting dough all over her clothes. Rosalie and Alice were going to kill me for that. Oh, well. Nessie squirmed. "Hahaha, you don't want hugs anymore, Ness? You always loved hugs," I said, gripping her tighter.

She giggled and screeched a little more, but settled down eventually and hugged me back. "You smell like dough now. I don't like it much," she muttered after a while.

I let out a barking laugh. "You smell like rain…and cookie dough."

I let her go, but she remained hugging me. "I didn't say that I wanted to let go," she told me, hugging me tighter.

I laughed and replaced my arms. "Don't go away anymore, okay?" she muttered.

I nodded. "I won't."

And she seemed happy with that.

Renesme's POV-

We had to clean up the cookie mess, and none of them actually got baked. After that we went home and got presentable, then went out to lunch with Seth. After that, all three of us went back to my house, and did something normal kids would spend an afternoon doing. We played video games. Jake and Seth easily kicked my ass, I sucked at stuff like that. So after I had given up, I made snacks and lounged on the couch, watching the two of their characters fight each other on the screen. I threw a piece of popcorn at each of their heads. "Explain this game to me," I commanded.

"You wouldn't understand anyway," Seth rolled his eyes and said to me.

Jake, however, paused the game and turned slightly to look at me. "The point is to not fall off the most and to get the least amount of damage. The one who manages that in the end of the game wins."

"OH!" I said, finally understanding.

Jake hit play again and I kept on watching. We stayed like that for a long time, until Seth had to leave. And then it was silent for a while, and Jake and I flipped through the TV channels, arguing like we always did about what to watch. My parents came home eventually, and so I started thinking angrily about the fact that my parents had not discussed moving with me. My dad stopped in tracks. "Jacob!" he growled.

I glared at my dad thinking, It wasn't his fault! You're the one who didn't tell me!

My father sighed and came into the living room and sat down in a chair. "Well, obviously you know," he said, glancing over at Jake for a second. "And you've decided that you want Jake to come. Obviously. Oh, and Seth too?"

I nodded. Wow. It was really up to me? "Yes, it is," my dad answered.

That wasn't a question for him, really. "So when are we moving, exactly?" I asked my father.

"In about a week," he said calmly.

I stood up quickly. "A week? A freaking week? When exactly were you going to tell me, when we were on the plane to Alaska?" I shouted.

I shook my head. Dad, get out of my head before I really loose it. And then I stomped to my room. I was glad that at least Jake, the amazing man that he was, had told me about this all. At least he had the 

decency…Argh. I sat down on my bed and tried to gather my thoughts, but a knock on the door interrupted me. "If it is my mother or my father, leave me alone," I huffed.

"It's me," Jake said.

"Oh, come in," I sighed.

He opened the door, walked in, and shut it behind him. He walked over to my bed and sat down beside me. "I'm sorry you're so upset."

I shrugged. "It's not your fault."

He sighed. "I have to go to my dorm and get all of my stuff ready to move. I'll probably be gone the night."

"Didn't you just say you wouldn't leave again earlier today?" I snapped back, angry at him now too.

"It's only for the night, Ness."

"I'm coming."

"…If Edwa-," he started, but I cut him off.

"I'm coming."

"Alrighty then," he said. I nodded and turned to look at him. Suddenly I was finding very hard to breathe.

"Jake?" I asked hesitantly.

"Yea?"

I almost told him. I almost confessed my love for him. I almost told him that I wanted him to kiss me and hold me. I almost told him that I needed him forever and ever. But instead, I shrugged and said, "Thank you."

"For what?" he asked, confused.

"For being my best friend," I replied simply, knowing that what I wanted from him really went past that.


	3. Another story for another time

Hey, there everyone! I just wanted to take a quick moment and thank the reviewers for this story so far. You guys are amazing, and your feedback helps me a lot

And, just so you know, while writing this I've been on a onerepublic kick, and the song that has inspired this fic so far the most is Come Home. It's an awesome song, hehe. Actually, everything from onerepublic is pretty awesome. I'll probably post a playlist of their songs for this story later :P

And now, let the story continue.

* * *

"Honestly, Jake!" I scolded him, putting in another one of his bags. "Did you need all of this stuff?"

We were unloading his dorm room into his car. Now, I understood why it was going to take him all night. He put his hands up defensively. "Hey, this is where I've lived for a while now! Course, I have a lot of stuff. …Haha, oh yea, you wouldn't remember moving it all in because you mom did that."

"And now you see why I didn't want to," I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest.

He rolled his eyes. "This is pretty much the last of it," he shrugged.

I nodded, it was almost time for bed. We'd been packing him up for hours now. "We'll pack up the sheets and bedding tomorrow morning when we get up, then?" I asked.

"Yep," he replied.

I linked arms with him, like a friend would do. His touch burned my skin, but it felt so amazing at the same time. Why did I want the one thing that have to be the one thing that I couldn't have? And it was the biggest thing ever too, why did life have to suck so bad? I just wanted Jake. All of him, everything, I wanted to hold him and to love him. I wanted to kiss him and not let anyone else have him. I didn't want to take the chance of him finding someone else, but at the same time it was oh so complicated. I knew that Jake didn't feel that way about me, and I didn't want to complicate things. How awkward would it be to sleep in the same bed with him if he knew? Ugh. Too awkward. I shoved those thoughts out of my head as much as I could as we reached his dorm room. "I'm going to go change," I told him, unlinking my arm, with a jab of pain to my heart, and grabbing my bag before heading into the bathroom.

I changed quickly, and I heard the slam of a door and talking going on outside of the bathroom. Jake's roommate was there. I wondered what they were talking about, but I tried not to eavesdrop. I needed that short time to clear my head so I could have a shot at not being completely intoxicated with Jake's 

presence in the next period of time. I walked back out into the room and his roommate instantly looked at me. He moved toward me and grabbed me in a quick hug, like we'd been friends forever. "Hey there, Nessie. You wouldn't believe how much I've heard about you! I'm Jack by the way."

How funny. Jack and Jake. "Hiya. Hmm, what have you heard about me? Only the good stuff, I hope," I winked in Jake's direction.

"How about I tell you what I know about you," Jack offered.

"Okie dokie!" I giggled, grabbing Jack's hand and leading him over to Jake's bed. I sat criss cross and gestured for him to do the same.

I glanced over at Jake. He was slamming his head up against the wall. I raised an eyebrow and turned my attention back to Jake. "Well, obviously, he started with the fact that you are breath taking, absolutely the most gorgeous creature that he has ever seen," Jack said, I giggled and felt heat in my cheeks. "And then he went on and on about how you are his very best friend and how he can not imagine his life without you at all."

I almost burst with joy as Jack continued to talk about how Jake had talked about me. So, he really was thinking about me while he was gone. He really did care. He really, really, really, missed me while he was away. Jack, nor Jake, could even began to know how much this meant to me. And Jack was still talking! We stayed like that for a while, until Jake finally made Jack shut up. I smiled and grabbed Jake's arm, easily pulling him over to me so I could hug him around his waste. Jack got up and said he needed to go out, he was meeting some friends for pizza and drinks. I nodded, but didn't let go of Jacob. I didn't think that I could let go of him. I was just too happy. Jack left, and Jake finally moved away from me. "Geez, Nessie you were like latched on to me."

My heart sank just a little bit. But I was still elated. "Well, I'm happy that you missed me as much as I've missed you," I said simply.

This time he hugged me and smiled down. "Ness," was all he said.

And then I ruined it by yawning. Bed time. Jake moved on to the bed and we got underneath the blankets. We spent a while in silence, trying to get to sleep. But we both knew that it was hopeless. Okay, so at least I knew it was hopeless. I wasn't going to be able to sleep, I was still way too excited. The things that Jack had told me that Jacob had said. I couldn't take it anymore. I turned around so that I could face him. "You really, really miss me?"

"Yea," was the only thing that he said.

"Jake…there's something that I really, really need to tell you. But I don't know if I should…I don't know what you'd think…"

"You've always been able to tell me anything, Ness. Anything at all," he said easily.

My breath caught as I tried to think of a way to tell him how I was feeling. I clicked my tongue and then tried a simpler explanation than what I had originally been thinking, "Jacob, I don't know how I'm feeling lately. About a lot of things, but mostly about you. I love you as a friend, I always have, but I think I want, no, I know that I want and I think that I need more than that. I-I, Jake I think that I'm in love with you."

And then a silence began. The worst silence that ever was. Jake didn't reply, and I knew that I had said it wrong. He didn't love me or want me like that, and I had made a huge mistake. This was going to be terrible. Nothing would compare to the pain that was crashing down on me. Nothing at all. I closed my eyes and waited for him to say something, but he never did. Instead he turned away and just…fell asleep. I could feel the tears brimming in my eyes, threatening to spill over as I turned away from his back and stared the other way. I wanted sleep to overcome me, to numb the pain, but it just wouldn't. I knew this would happen. I knew that it would be bad…but I hadn't expected…ugh.

Morning came very slowly, and I didn't get any sleep. I was tired as I drug myself to the bathroom and got dressed and presentable. Jake and I stayed in silence the entire morning as we packed up the last of his things, got in the car, stopped for breakfast, and got home. Silence as we walked into my house. Silence as I went upstairs by myself. I looked around my room when I got there. Everything was packed up, ready to be taken down my uncles and my father later that day probably. I sat down on my bed and curled up, pulling my knees up to my chin, and wondering why the tears suddenly didn't want to come. I sat there for a while until I heard a knock on my door. "J-just go away, Jake."

"It's Leah."

My head perked up. I didn't know why I liked Leah so much, I didn't think she liked me very much. We had never been very close, but I still liked to hang out with her just as much as I liked to hang out with her brother. Plus, she was sort of kind of related to me since Sue and Charlie had gotten married. "Come in," I said quietly. I knew she heard.

She creaked open the door and peeked her head in. Her face fell as she saw me. Pang. More people who really didn't want me. "Hey there, kiddo."

"Hi," was all I replied.

She walked in and shut the door. Her face suddenly twisted into a determined look. "Jake is really going to kill me for tell you this."

I raised one eyebrow. "Tell me what?"

Leah walked over and sat down hesitantly. "Nessie, did your parents ever explain imprinting to you?"

I shook my head no. All they had ever said was that Quil had imprinted on Claire, but they never explained it. Leah continued, "It's sort of like…love at first site only more powerful. I'm going to tell you a story," she said, a statement, not a question. "You know…Sam. A long time ago Sam and me were in love. Or at least, I thought we were. And then, after he turned wolf, I brought my cousin, Emily down 

for a visit. We were best friends, and there was nothing we wouldn't share with one another. But the minute Sam saw Emily…it was love. It wasn't something Sam or I could stop. His whole world suddenly revolved around Emily, not me. I was heartbroken, but even I had to be a big girl about it. I was a bridesmaid in their wedding, even."

We both laughed bitterly at that. "Why are you telling me this?" I asked suddenly. "Not that I mind listening. I don't mind. I really like talking to you and everyt-"

Leah cut me off, "This is the part Jake really is going to kill me for. Okay, so when you were born and Jake thought that your birth killed your mom, he was coming downstairs to kill you. He thought you were evil, that you had to die for killing Bella. But when he looked at you, Nessie, he couldn't kill you. Renesmee, Jake…."

Oh my god. Oh my god. "Jacob imprinted on me!" I whispered excitedly.

Leah nodded. "And last night, Nessie. He didn't know what to say because he doesn't know what to do. No one expected you to feel anything beside friendly feelings for him until at least your seventh birthday, if not until after that. He's surprised, and he doesn't know what to do. But there's something that he didn't take into consideration. What you need Jacob to be, is what he changes to be for you. He should have known that when he started really …er…wanting you romantically, that you were ready, but he's a guy. Guys are idiots. Take Sam for example. Anyway, just give him a little bit of time. He'll adjust to this, okay?"

I nodded. "Leah, I wanted to ask you something."

She nodded slowly. And then I continued. "I know that you probably want to stay here, you know. Be close to Sam and Emily, and everyone else, but I think that you should come to Alaska with us. I mean, Seth is coming, right? And Jake? They're your pack…and you're part of our family now, even if you don't love us like we're family, you are our family."

Leah's face twisted a few times. First it was a frown, and then it went blank, and then I saw the corners of her lips twitch upwards. "Seth already asked me to come, and I said no. But, I don't know. Alaska might be nice."

I smiled brightly. "Please, Leah? Please? It'll be great. New people and all that good kind of stuff."

She nodded. I heard a door slam downstairs. "Mom and Dad are home, I'm going to go talk to them. Oh-hey, did Jake leave?" I asked, kind of hoping it was yes. I needed him to be gone for a while, to think.

"Yea, he filled me in about last night and then left," Leah shrugged.

"Thanks," I said as I practically sprinted downstairs.

My mom looked up as I came running toward her, and I threw my arms around her. "I should be sort of angry with you right now," I informed her.

She looked oddly at me for a minute, then glanced toward me dad. He was laughing. I glared at him and touched my hand to my mom's face, showing her the selected scene from last night and then my talk with Leah. After that, I returned my arm around her, hugging her tightly. It was odd having a mother who looked like she could be your sister. And was technically just about your age, give or take a few months. Okay, really it was years, but I looked almost eighteen! Aunt Alice sort of looked like my younger sister. I giggled at that thought. My mother kissed the top of my head. "Are you okay, Renesmee?" she asked me carefully, as if judging my the emotion on my face.

I shrugged and stepped back. "Honestly? Now, I don't know. I-," I glanced at my father, trying to figure out whether or not I should say these things out loud. He'd figure them out anyway. "Well, I think I'm oaky now. Last night was bad, but I'm okay right now. I sort of understand a little bit better now…"

My mom glanced at my dad. His face was twisted into one of those faces that screamed "I'm going to kill Jacob Black!" But I knew he would never say it out loud or give any other signs away to me. He'd probably complain about it to my mom later. "I think I'm going to go talk to Leah about Alaska," and with that my father had excused himself.

I sighed and my mom led my into the living room. We sat down on the couch and I sighed again. "Mom, I am too confused."

"I understand."

"How? How can you understand at all?" I asked frantically, suddenly feeling the pain that I had felt last night again.

Mom sighed. "Your father is not going to be happy when I tell you about this. Oh, well. I'm going to tell you about it anyone."

I shrugged. "Daddy gets upset a lot. We'll have Uncle Jasper calm him down," I smiled brightly.

Mom laughed. "For my eighteenth birthday they threw me a party. Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rose, Carlisle, Esme and your father, I mean. And I was dreading it. I never liked parties. Anyway, one thing led to another and while I was opening up one of my presents, I got a paper cut. Jasper lunged, you know, bloodlust, paper cut, and me, put the three together and you know there's bound to be a problem. Well, Edward stopped him but I ended up hurting my arm I think it was. Anyway, your dad was tore up about the whole thing. He became more reclusive than ever. And then," she paused for a second and put one finger up to signal one moment. What the hell happened? What had hurt so badly? "Your dad told me that they were moving. And he told me that he didn't love me anymore, that he didn't want me to come with them."

Her breath caught, and I gasped. "Oh, mom," I said comfortably, trying to put myself into her shoes. I tried to imagine it, but it was hurting me already.

"It was terrible," she whispered. "Months went by without him there, and Jacob became my best friend. He was my rock. I found out that when I did dangerous things, your father's voice would come back to me. I heard him warning me not to do the activities, and it felt like he cared again. So I did some reckless things, one of which was jumping off a cliff. Aunt Alice saw that and she came back to check to see if I was dead or not. I wasn't, but she thought I was. And then after that, things spiraled downward. A misunderstanding led to your father going to Italy to try and get himself killed. Alice and I went to save him, thank God. And we made up. It was like nothing ever happened."

"But it did," I insisted.

She shrugged. "But time heals every wound. And there was never anything to forgive him for anyway. He thought he was doing what was best for me. Safest, he had good intentions."

"Yea…Mom, I don't get it," I said, feeling stupid.

She laughed at me. "It's going to work out with Jake, honey. It's all going to be okay, because he loves you. He just wants to do what's best for you. He wants to take this slow. He loves you, Ness."

"I don't want to wait!" I half shouted- pouting and crossing my arms over my chest.

"Oh yes, Ness. Very, very mature," My mom laughed and kissed my forehead. "He imprinted on you, Ness. He couldn't leave you even if he wanted to."

I bit my lip. "Mom, he couldn't like ignore the imprinting and not love me, right? He couldn't pick someone else…could he?"

She shook her head. "It's never happened before. And Jake has always loved you, Nessie. I know he has, and I know he still does. Trust me, okay?"

"Has he talked to you about it?" I asked curiously.

She paused. She was probably thinking about how to word it, or if she should tell me. "Yes. He has. He has a lot, Renesmee. You just have to be patient."

I nodded and stood up. "Dad?" I asked.

"Probably beating his head against a wall in our room," she shrugged.

I giggled and started up the steps toward my parents' room. Leah had probably jumped out the window. Dare devil that she was. I knocked on the door of my parents room lightly, and then entered before my dad said come in. "Hey," I said, closing the door behind me. "Are you upset?"

He turned toward me with this look on his face, one that I didn't understand. "No, I'm not upset at all. I'm just surprised," my dad told me.

"I'm sick of everyone being so surprised. Give me a new emotion, please," I asked of him.

"I guess…I'm confused? As to why you were so afraid of Jake's reaction, I mean," He said.

I smiled bitterly. "I have the confused emotion down. Anyway, it's like…he's always been there with me, through everything for everything, and if I said something to upset that, to make that peace go away, I don't think I could live without it. It would be like….," I paused trying to think whether or not I should use my mother as an example. "Like when you left mom. How utterly empty that must have felt for her, that's what it would feel like. I got insight into that last night dad, and I don't want that to ever happen. Not ever."

My dad's face had regret written all over it. "I wish she hadn't told you that," he said.

I shrugged, "Someone would've told me eventually."

"Maybe, maybe not."

"I would have made Jacob tell me," I said simply.

He nodded. "I just want you to know, Nessie, that I never left your mother to hurt her. I never meant any harm. I just wanted her safe and happy, and I thought that if I left and left not trace of me, she'd move on. She'd find peace with Mike Newton or someone, and call it good. She'd forget about me and what she had to go through."

I closed my eyes and pressed my fingers to my forehead for a minute, thinking. "Daddy?" I asked quietly.

"Yes?"

I bit my lip, trying to make the words come out right. I knew he could hear everyone of my thoughts, but it would mean something more to say it out loud. It would come off more as something that I needed to ask him, more than just a random question running through my mind. I twisted it a little bit, trying to make it sound right. "Do you think that Jake is going to love me? Soon, I mean? Because, I know that I need to be patient, and that he's waited six and half years for this, but he's not going to make me wait until I'm technically seven is he? Especially if he feels the same way? Daddy, I don't think I can handle that."

He moved to hug me, even though he knew that's not what I needed in my mind. "He won't. Jake has waited a long time for you, but his patience is not well trained. Trust me on that," my dad sounded like he was remembering something.

"Another story for another time?" I guessed aloud.

"Something like that," my dad chuckled and kissed the top of my head.

"I love you, Dad."

"Love you too, Ness."

After my little chat with my dad I went to my room and pulled my cell phone out of a drawer that I kept it in. I didn't use it very often, only when I went out with my aunts mostly. Our with uncle Emmett. Because then I had to call Aunt Rose to save me from whatever sports event I was being dragged to. I dialed Jake's number and it went straight to voicemail. "You big oaf, you need to talk to me, okay? Leah told me about everything, don't be mad at her. She did the right thing. And I miss you. I need to talk to you. Just come, okay? I'll be here. I-I-I love you."


End file.
